How to Survive a Quarantine with your Spouse

If you’re one of the millions of Americans that are self-quarantining through the COVID-19 pandemic, you’ve probably been quarantined with your significant other for weeks now. While you love each other dearly, you’re probably getting to feel a little like that scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith when Brad & Angelina just want to strangle each other 🙂

We’ve been married for 7 years, we’ve traveled to 70 countries together, and we’ve been working together and living together for nearly 5 years. We took a vow – in sickness & in health…which in today’s times seem to be “in quarantine and in health.”

We saw the divorce rates skyrocket in China after their COVID-19 quarantine, so we decided that this was a very important subject to discuss and be proactive about. We see the quarantine as an opportunity to become closer to your partner and reconnect with them.

Let’s get into how to bypass crazy and instead get closer during quarantine.

Practice Empathy. These are stressful times, don’t be surprised if you or your partner acts differently during this time.  Your partner might be fearful while you’re calm and visa versa. And that’s okay! The important thing here is not to judge the other’s experience and instead – show compassion. Instead of getting upset, offer a hug. Think of it as an opportunity to practice compassion and not contempt.  And if you’re stressed with the current situation, it’s okay to tell your partner, “hey, I just need a little space or help right now because I’m scared.” Communicating how you feel up front will help eliminate any misunderstandings.

Be Proactive and Address Conflicts. Since you’re cooped up together, conflict is bound to arise – so it’s best to be proactive and address any underlying issues before they explode! Most couples don’t spend all day together with their spouse since they usually work in offices. Schedule time to discuss any issues or conflicts, preferably over a glass of wine. This time should be a free space to talk about any underlying issues that haven’t been resolved.  It could be as simple as, hey, i really hate it when you don’t take out the trash.. Or you always leave me with the kids, I need more support now. Take this time to CALMY address these issues and talk about them before they grow to a bigger issue. 

Also, make up a fake roommate. Ours is Cheryl.  Whenever you see a dirty dish or clothing on the floor and it bothers you, just blame Cheryl. 

Create space and boundaries. Personal space & boundaries are very important to maintain relationships (and sanity). If you have the ability to create separate spaces during this time, do it. Have your S.O. take the bedroom and you take the kitchen table and respect these spaces. 

***If you are both working from home, you will have different work priorities. In order to respect your partner’s boundaries, send meeting requests or emails instead of barging in with questions. This way, you won’t interrupt and ask about groceries during a Zoom call or pop in when they’re deep into writing an article.

Schedule work times: Both of you are going to work differently and you may be “on” at different times of the day (Scott’s a morning person🕺🏼 – Coco is DEFINITELY NOT🤷🏻‍♀️). You may feel uncomfortable at first because it’s natural to think that your way is the “right” way. Discuss when you both like to work / rest and try to set a schedule that works for both of you.

Don’t forget to date: While you can’t go out to eat, you can still get dressed up.  You may not be able to go dancing, but who says you can’t dance in your living room?  Set up “date nights” even if it’s only in your own home. This could include getting dressed up, making dinner together, opening a bottle of wine, dancing to your favorite love song, all WITHOUT your phones.  That’s right, dedicate this time to each other. Maybe even talk about when you first met or what you dream about doing once the quarantine is lifted.  

Allocate ME time. Okay, while quality time together is important.. So is time apart, that’s right, good old ME time.  Just because you don’t have access to your usual outlets such as that hour at the CrossFit gym or yoga with your girlfriends doesn’t mean you can’t create space for yourself. Follow a yoga workout on YouTube, make time to meditate🧘🏻‍♀️, read a book, give yourself a face mask – do something just for yourself. In other words, “TREAT YO-SELF…By yourself.” We’ve noticed that if we take time to treat ourselves to self-care, we come back to the relationship with more energy. And guys, it might be time to create a small man cave, organize your garage or office so that you have a place to get away when you need some space to breathe.

Plan Ahead. It’s nice to have something to look forward to, but right now – we have no idea when this quarantine is going to end. Life is going to be a little different for the near future.  That doesn’t mean you can’t plan “events” Add dates and “events” to your calendar so you have something to look forward to like a movie night, or stand-up show on Netflix. Also lots of musicians are playing live sets for free.   For example, we put a date night on the calendar for a comedy special with Tom Segura. We changed out of our sweatpants, made popcorn, opened up a bottle of wine, and pretended we were at a comedy club. Having something on your calendar will help you focus on that rather than stressing about the news.